Calling Cards and the Drop By in the Late 19th Century

Have you ever had that awkward moment when someone drops by unannounced, and you are still in your pajamas? At two in the afternoon. Or your house is a mess, so you greet your visitor at the door and never let them pass the threshold? Let’s face it, we find it much more polite when someone gives us a jingle (or a text) before coming to our homes. Several hours’ notice is always welcome, although with almost everyone owning a cell phone now, there is the occasional “Hi! I’m outside your house.”

In the 19th century, well before the advent of phones, unexpected visitors were the norm. But it wasn't a free-for-all. Visiting someone was a ritual, one that followed a set of carefully observed rules of when and how to drop by.

Let’s start with the how. If you were of polite society, ladies and gentlemen arrived with a calling card which they handed to a servant or left neatly on a silver tray in the entryway. That little card did a lot of heavy lifting. It announced the visitor's presence, conveyed their intentions, and spoke volumes about their social standing.

 

Presenting calling card to a discerning butler

Many calling cards told a story, and even the way the corners of a calling card were folded could send a message. A bent upper left corner meant congratulations. A folded lower left? Condolences. Lower right said farewell, while an upper right bend indicated a personal visit. No need to scribble a note—just fold and deliver. Below, the card on the left belonged to an American attorney with a sense of humor. The card on the right was an "in mourning" card.

 

 

Of course, not all cards were created equal. The upper crust leaned toward restrained elegance—creamy cardstock, subtle embossing, perhaps a simple monogram. Although it wasn’t common among Queen Victoria’s subjects, Americans often preferred ornate designs, maybe even a touch of whimsy or humor, especially if they weren’t quite as well-established socially. The card you handed over gave the recipient a glimpse of who you were and where you stood. 

 

An American calling card salesman's samples.

 

Below are some American and European calling cards of the more wealthy, and in some instances, famous...

 

 

Now the when. Visits usually happened in the afternoon, and how long you stayed depended on the closeness of your relationship. A first-time caller might pop in for just fifteen minutes, while good friends could linger a bit longer—though not too long. Overstaying your welcome was never a good look.

There were different kinds of visits, too. Ceremonial calls came after an invitation or favor. You’d call to congratulate a friend on her engagement or the birth of a baby. Condolence visits offered sympathy during a time of mourning. And then there were friendly visits—those casual check-ins that brightened an afternoon. Whatever the occasion, visitors were expected to dress appropriately, mind their manners, and steer clear of controversial subjects. Bringing children or pets? Not if you wanted to be invited back.

Reciprocity mattered. If someone left their card at your home and you didn’t return the gesture, it could be seen as a snub. That one small oversight might nudge you right out of someone’s social circle.

To keep things from getting too chaotic, many households had “At Home” days—designated times when a lady would receive guests. These were often noted on the calling cards or invitations, giving visitors a clear signal of when to stop by. It added a layer of structure to the otherwise spontaneous act of socializing, ensuring everyone knew the rules of the game.

The "At Home" Day

Lastly, and probably my favorite part of the 19th century visit, are the clothes. Dressing for a visit was an event in itself. Afternoon calls required tasteful, modest attire, with women typically wearing a well-pressed visiting dress made of silk or fine wool, complete with gloves, a hat or bonnet, and sometimes a veil. Jewelry was understated, and accessories were chosen with care. Men, too, were expected to appear polished—usually in a dark suit, clean collar, and gloves. The goal wasn’t to dazzle, but to show respect. Looking appropriately put together was part of the unspoken language of the visit, a sign that you valued both the occasion and the person you were calling on.

 

Looking back, it’s easy to view all of this as overly complicated. But there’s something rather beautiful about a system built on thoughtfulness and mutual respect. Visitors 140 years ago may have had more rules to follow, but at the heart of it all was a desire to connect, and to do so with grace and intention.


The calling cards pictured here above from my own collection (they take up less space than most collectibles!). See if you recognize any of the names. If you do, comment below. Please tell me their name and what they're known for. I’ll select a random winner to receive a gift certificate for an ebook of my debut novel, Perfect!


About the Author:

 

Kimberly Keagan is a former corporate financial writer (not very romantic) who now crafts historical romances filled with strong heroines, swoon-worthy heroes, faith, and a touch of humor. Her Gilded Age romance, Perfect, is her debut novel.