Calling Cards and the Drop By in the Late 19th Century

Have you ever had that awkward moment when someone drops by unannounced, and you are still in your pajamas? At two in the afternoon. Or your house is a mess, so you greet your visitor at the door and never let them pass the threshold? Let’s face it, we find it much more polite when someone gives us a jingle (or a text) before coming to our homes. Several hours’ notice is always welcome, although with almost everyone owning a cell phone now, there is the occasional “Hi! I’m outside your house.”

In the 19th century, well before the advent of phones, unexpected visitors were the norm. But it wasn't a free-for-all. Visiting someone was a ritual, one that followed a set of carefully observed rules of when and how to drop by.

Let’s start with the how. If you were of polite society, ladies and gentlemen arrived with a calling card which they handed to a servant or left neatly on a silver tray in the entryway. That little card did a lot of heavy lifting. It announced the visitor's presence, conveyed their intentions, and spoke volumes about their social standing.

 

Presenting calling card to a discerning butler

Many calling cards told a story, and even the way the corners of a calling card were folded could send a message. A bent upper left corner meant congratulations. A folded lower left? Condolences. Lower right said farewell, while an upper right bend indicated a personal visit. No need to scribble a note—just fold and deliver. Below, the card on the left belonged to an American attorney with a sense of humor. The card on the right was an "in mourning" card.

 

 

Of course, not all cards were created equal. The upper crust leaned toward restrained elegance—creamy cardstock, subtle embossing, perhaps a simple monogram. Although it wasn’t common among Queen Victoria’s subjects, Americans often preferred ornate designs, maybe even a touch of whimsy or humor, especially if they weren’t quite as well-established socially. The card you handed over gave the recipient a glimpse of who you were and where you stood. 

 

An American calling card salesman's samples.

 

Below are some American and European calling cards of the more wealthy, and in some instances, famous...

 

 

Now the when. Visits usually happened in the afternoon, and how long you stayed depended on the closeness of your relationship. A first-time caller might pop in for just fifteen minutes, while good friends could linger a bit longer—though not too long. Overstaying your welcome was never a good look.

There were different kinds of visits, too. Ceremonial calls came after an invitation or favor. You’d call to congratulate a friend on her engagement or the birth of a baby. Condolence visits offered sympathy during a time of mourning. And then there were friendly visits—those casual check-ins that brightened an afternoon. Whatever the occasion, visitors were expected to dress appropriately, mind their manners, and steer clear of controversial subjects. Bringing children or pets? Not if you wanted to be invited back.

Reciprocity mattered. If someone left their card at your home and you didn’t return the gesture, it could be seen as a snub. That one small oversight might nudge you right out of someone’s social circle.

To keep things from getting too chaotic, many households had “At Home” days—designated times when a lady would receive guests. These were often noted on the calling cards or invitations, giving visitors a clear signal of when to stop by. It added a layer of structure to the otherwise spontaneous act of socializing, ensuring everyone knew the rules of the game.

The "At Home" Day

Lastly, and probably my favorite part of the 19th century visit, are the clothes. Dressing for a visit was an event in itself. Afternoon calls required tasteful, modest attire, with women typically wearing a well-pressed visiting dress made of silk or fine wool, complete with gloves, a hat or bonnet, and sometimes a veil. Jewelry was understated, and accessories were chosen with care. Men, too, were expected to appear polished—usually in a dark suit, clean collar, and gloves. The goal wasn’t to dazzle, but to show respect. Looking appropriately put together was part of the unspoken language of the visit, a sign that you valued both the occasion and the person you were calling on.

 

Looking back, it’s easy to view all of this as overly complicated. But there’s something rather beautiful about a system built on thoughtfulness and mutual respect. Visitors 140 years ago may have had more rules to follow, but at the heart of it all was a desire to connect, and to do so with grace and intention.


The calling cards pictured here above from my own collection (they take up less space than most collectibles!). See if you recognize any of the names. If you do, comment below. Please tell me their name and what they're known for. I’ll select a random winner to receive a gift certificate for an ebook of my debut novel, Perfect!


About the Author:

 

Kimberly Keagan is a former corporate financial writer (not very romantic) who now crafts historical romances filled with strong heroines, swoon-worthy heroes, faith, and a touch of humor. Her Gilded Age romance, Perfect, is her debut novel.

Victorian Calling Cards

Hello from Carla Stewart, who is glad that spring is trying to emerge and we are able to bustle about once again and maybe call on a few friends we haven't seen in awhile.

Alas, we rarely do that sort of thing anymore, but rather "meet up" somewhere or "do lunch". Not so for the Victorians both in Europe and in the States as well. People called on each other, stopping in to visit on "At Home" days or just drop a card with an invitation to tea or to extend best wishes for whatever the season might be. And as was frequently the case, the Victorians didn't do things halfway, but elevated it to an art form. And so emerged the calling or visiting card.

Creative commons presented originally by Circuitous Root

Calling cards first appeared in China in the 15th century but didn't make their western debut until the French introduced them in the early 1800s.The custom spread quickly throughout Europe and became quite popular among the "well-to-do" in New England throughout the latter half of the nineteenth century. Syles ranged from simple embossing to hand calligraphy, fringed edges, hidden name cards where the bearers name is imprinted below a Victorian scrap at one edge, photograph cards, gelatine cards which went through a special process and were quite fragile, patriotic cards especially after the Civil War in the US, and every sort of fancy bordered and embellished cards you could imagine. A line or two of poetry wasn't uncommon along with the artwork. Hundreds of thousands of cards were printed from 1800 through the 1890s.

 

Creative commons presented originally by Circutous Root

Old Design Shop free image

Old Design Shop free image

Old Design Shop free image

Both men and women used calling cards. The lady's version was larger and often fancier than the man's card which needed to fit in the breast pocket of his jacket, and cards from the Victorian period were larger than those of the preceding Regency era. Card holders for women became fashionable and were often of filigreed sterling, mother of pearl, tortoiseshell, ivory or velvet. Because cards were often delivered only to a servant, they were placed in special receivers or trays on a table in the foyer. Both fancy glass and sterling receivers were common.

Occasions for using a calling card:

• Ladies made calls and delivered her cards immediately upon moving to a town. Local women could choose to invite the newcomer in when she delivered the card or offer her own card to extend an offer of wishing to further the friendship. If no card was offered, this was considered a rejection.

• Formal calls to offer congratulations or condolensces. Good manners dictated that the call be made within a week of the event, whether an engagement, marriage, addition to the family, or death or illness.

• By the mid-1800s, women could leave both their own card and that of her husband, always leaving two of his - one for the master of the house and the other for his wife.

• Taking leave. For extended trips out of town, it was considered good manners to let friends know of your intended absense.

• Invitations to any sort of occasion, although formal occasions usually had their own invitation that was either hand delivered or posted in the mail.

• Offer of courtship - for gentlemen to request getting to know an eligible woman better.

Presentation of the card could deliver special messages by turning of one corner or another to relay the message:
 

• A folded top left corner meant the visitor had come in person. If unfolded, the card was delivered by a servant.

• A folded bottom left corner meant farewell.

• A folded top right corner offered congratulations.

• A folded bottom right corner expressed condolence.

• A black band around the edge signified the carrier of the card was in mourning.

Like many customs, the folding of the corners fell out of fashion by the 1900s.

Rules for visiting:

• Formal calls following a celebratory event or a condolence made within a week of the event.

• Ceremonial visits (leaving a card only) between 3 and 4 pm the day after a ball. For a dinner party, such visit acceptable within a day or two, and after a small party withing a week.

• Ceremonial calls were made between three and four in the afternoon. Semi-ceremonial calls between four and five, and intimate calls between five and six pm.

• No calls on Sunday as these days were reserved for family and close friends.

• Visits were short, twenty to thirty minutes. If another caller arrived during a visit, the first caller left withing a moment or two.

• The decision of whether to receive a caller is up to the master or mistress of the house.

Men's Calling Cards:

Generally, a gentleman's card was simpler in design with just his name and perhaps an address. A young man didn't preface his name with "Mr." but men in the military could put their rank and physicians could use a professional title. All other honorary titles were verboten. Typically, gentlement inscribed initials on the card that gave the nature of the visit.

p. f. – congratulations (pour féliciter)


p. r. – expressing one’s thanks (pour remercier)


p. c. – mourning expression (pour condoléance)


p. f. N. A. – Happy New Year (pour feliciter Nouvel An)


p. p. c. – meaning to take leave (pour prendre congé)


p. p. – if you want to be introduced to anybody, send your visiting card (pour présenter)


In the US, calling cards were still used until the 1920s although not as extensively as in the nineteenth century. The "death" of the calling card altogether came when Lou Hoover, President Hoover's wife and an activist and promoter in her own right, found the custom time-consuming and old-fashioned. She disliked having to leave calling cards on formal social visits to other spouses of political figures in Washington. She prevailed upon her fellow Cabinet wives to agree to end the custom. Thus ended the calling card tradition.


We've come full circle, though in the twenty-first century where our "calling" cards are now business cards. They're personal and say a lot about the presenter: who she is, her business, how to contact her. Just as the visiting cards of earlier times, both men and women express themselves via the "biz" card.


Do you have a business card? What does it say about you?

Carla Stewart is the award-winning author of five novels. With a passion for times gone by, it is her desire to take readers back to that warm, familiar place in their hearts called “home.” Her newest release is The Hatmaker's Heart. In New York City’s Jazz Age, a naïve, but talented young hat designer must weigh the cost of success when the rekindled love with her childhood sweetheart is lost and her integrity in the cutthroat fashion world is tested. Learn more about Carla at www.carlastewart.com

2015 Oklahoma Book Award Finalist