By Camille Elliot/Camy Tang
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What Were You Actually Allowed to Talk About at a Regency Ball?
Picture this: you're in a candlelit ballroom, wearing stays that make breathing a creative exercise, and a young man you've never met is leading you onto the dance floor. You have approximately four minutes to make a good impression. And most of the interesting things in your head are completely off-limits.
Welcome to the Regency London Season.
The Approved List
The rules around ballroom conversation were unwritten but universally understood: keep it light, keep it impersonal, and for heaven's sake, keep it safe.
Approved topics included the weather, the quality of the supper, the latest fashions from Paris, and music. Think of them as the small talk of 1811, designed to fill silence without revealing anything that might embarrass you or your family.
Jane Austen, who attended plenty of these events herself, had a lot of fun skewering this convention. In Northanger Abbey, the charming Henry Tilney meets Catherine Morland at a ball and immediately parodies the expected script, archly predicting exactly what they're supposed to say to each other—remarks about the rooms, the number of couples, and whether Catherine has been in Bath long. He's teasing, but he's also entirely accurate. That was the script.
But in Pride and Prejudice, while dancing with Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet does something rather radical—she asks questions, pushes back, even teases. Darcy is so unused to it that he doesn't quite know what to do with her. Their conversation crackles precisely because she refuses to be ornamental.
The Forbidden List
The forbidden list of conversational topics was just as clear, if never officially posted anywhere. Politics, religion, money, and anything that hinted at scandal were absolutely out. Even the war with Napoleon—which was very much ongoing and affecting nearly every family in England—was considered too grim, too masculine, and too real for polite mixed company. A young woman who voiced a strong opinion on the House of Lords risked being quietly labeled as odd, or worse, unfeminine.
Austen illustrates this perfectly with the Steele sisters in Sense and Sensibility. Anne can't stop chattering about "beaux”, speculating about which men might be interested in her, and going on and on about a doctor she's (supposedly) caught the eye of. It is a topic considered embarrassingly forward for a young woman of any refinement.
The Steeles share personal information too freely—for them there is no such thing as TMI. In a world where what you didn't say mattered as much as what you did, the Steeles said far too much.
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| Fashion plate of a Regency ball gown from Ackerman’s Repository, February 1809. |
What Lissa Does Instead
Lissa Gardinier, the heroine of my novella Lissa and the Spy, is navigating exactly this needle-threading. Her mother has essentially given her a restricted vocabulary for the Season, and Lissa is ready to poke her eye out with a fork. It’s not that she doesn't understand the rules, but she understands them too well and finds them stifling:
She was not so obedient to her mother that she would subject herself to the torture of conversation topics such as the weather and the food at the ball, which she’d already discussed at length with her other dancing partners. So she asked a more unusual question. “Mr. Collingworth, shall you miss activities at your country estate while you are in town?”
His slack-jawed face abruptly became animated. “Yes indeed, Miss Gardinier. I breed hunting dogs, you see, and I’ve had particular luck this year with several pups …”
It's a small act of rebellion—asking about his life instead of praising the folds of his cravat—and it works beautifully.
Until it doesn't:
Last year during that first dance with Mr. Collingworth, upon seeing him excitedly discuss his dog breeding, she had been encouraged to also speak without restraint.
So she had voiced her exact thoughts rather than hiding behind a vapid facade. “Why in the world would you name a dog Lickspittle Furrybottom?”
At Mr. Collingworth’s startled look, Lissa realized that she’d said that out loud now, in this dance with him.
“… Not that it’s not a lovely name,” she added lamely.
Mr. Collingworth didn’t believe her, and his conversation faltered. She regretted that, for she hadn’t intended to be rude to him.
“Er … did I speak of Lickspittle Furrybottom?” he asked.
Lissa did a mental shriek at her mistake. “We spoke briefly about her last year. You were worried about her compatibility with Snout Droolalot.” To alleviate his embarrassment at not remembering her, she said, "I was relieved to hear that Lickspittle Furrybottom and Snout Droolalot had such a healthy litter. What are your plans for their puppies?” Talking about puppies was acceptable dance conversation, wasn’t it?
It pleased Mr. Collingworth to continue discussing puppies for the remainder of the dance.
Lissa’s desire to just say something real is the same one Austen's best heroines wrestle with. Alas, the ballroom rewarded performance and punished honesty.
And yet the characters we remember, the ones who feel truly alive on the page, are the ones who couldn't quite manage to perform perfectly.
Some things, it seems, never change.
About the Author
Camy Tang writes Christian historical and contemporary romance filled with intrigue, adventure, and faith. Under the pen name Camille Elliot, she writes the Christian Regency romantic suspense series Lady Wynwood’s Spies, set in 1811 London where secrets, espionage, and slow-burn romance unfold against the glittering backdrop of high society.
If you enjoy Regency romance with adventure and a dash of humor, you can receive her novella Lissa and the Spy free when you join her newsletter.
Lissa and the Spy
A Regency Romantic Suspense Novella
In her quest for a marriage of convenience, plain and unpopular Lissa finds herself entangled with the enigmatic Lord Jeremy Stoude, who has a secret mission for the Crown. As danger stalks them, they must navigate a labyrinth of society’s expectations and their own insecurities to find love.
Click here to get Lissa and the Spy
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