Mail Order Marriage

by Cindy Regnier

282—A widower, merchant and stockman lives in Kansas, 46 years old, height 6 feet, weight 210 pounds, brunette, black hair and eyes, wishes to correspond with ladies of same age, without encumbrances and with means, must move in the best society and be fully qualified to help make a happy home: object, matrimony. 

257—Wanted someone to love, who will be true and sweet, and not only a darling dove but truly a wise helpmate. She must be of noble birth, whose worth could not be told, as misers count that sordid worth, of stocks and bonds and gold. 

268—Two good-looking young men in a Missouri town, having money at their disposal, would be pleased to correspond with two jolly young ladies. Object a quality time and its results. 

233—Answer to 82—There is a lad in Missouri with a foot that’s flat, with seeds in his pocket and a brick in his hat, with an eye that is blue and a No. 10 shoe—he’s the “Bull of the Woods” and the boy for you. 

266—I want to know some pretty girl of 17 to 20 years. I am 29, 5 feet 9 inches tall, a blonde: I can laugh for 15 minutes, and I want some pretty girl to laugh with me. 


214—Respectable young man, with good position in city, 20 years old, desires the acquaintance of a modest young lady, between the ages of 17 and 21, with home nearby. Object: to attend operas and church; perhaps more. 

These are real advertisements that appeared in a publication called The Matrimonial News published in San Francisco and Kansas City, Mo. during the late 1800s and early 1900s. The paper touted itself as the publication that made the happiness of their readers their main business. Each edition of The Matrimonial News opened with the phrase: “Women need a man’s strong arm to support her in life’s struggle, and men need a woman’s love.” If you wanted to place an ad in the paper, you had to provide your height, weight, financial and social positions, along with a general description of the kind of persons you were looking for. Ladies’ personals of 40 words or less were published at no charge and gentlemen’s personals of 40 words or less for 25 cents. 

Contrary to oft-repeated folklore, a bachelor did not simply choose a bride from the Sears Roebuck catalog, but “courted” his intended through correspondence. During this period single women were scarce in the west, but abundant in the east where the civil war had left many widows and sweethearts without husbands. A man who traveled west in search of gold, farmland or lumber had no available options but sending to the east for a bride if he was of a mind to raise a family of his own. These brides were often of a social status considered ‘lesser’ such as a servant. Some were foreign, some were widows with children to support and some, though scandalous at the time, were divorcees. Both sexes placed advertisements in such publications as The Matrimonial News, seeking to better themselves and their positions. 

Interestingly, history tells us that many of these marriages, most occurring within a few hours of their first meeting, lasted many years and produced many children. However, not all were successful, as in the case of Eleanor Berry, a California schoolteacher. On her way to meet her groom, Miss Berry’s stagecoach was held up by masked bandits who stole all the gold in the stage’s safe. During the robbery Eleanor noticed one of the bandits had a long scar on the back of his hand. Later, she stood before the preacher with the man who had sent for her, but as he signed the marriage license, she noticed the same scar on the back of his hand. Yep, he was the masked bandit that had stolen her belongings. It is said she ran screaming from the room and was on a stage back home the next day. At the time it was considered far more scandalous to come back home unmarried than it would have been to marry a stranger. 

The era of mail-order brides in western America fascinates us as it’s so difficult to imagine marrying someone we’ve never met. The mixture of excitement and fear these couples must have experienced are the basis for many of today’s fictional romances. 

 Scribbling in notebooks has been a habit of Cindy Regnier since she was old enough to hold a pencil. Born and raised in Kansas, she writes stories of historical Kansas, especially the Flint Hills area where she spent much of her childhood. Cindy is married to her husband of 37 years, has two grown sons, a son residing in heaven, and two beautiful daughters-in-law.

https://cindyregnier.com/

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Online Dating, Anyone?

By Davalynn Spencer

People have looked for companionship through various means for centuries. Perhaps millennia. From cultural matchmakers to parentally prescribed arrangements, the hunt for heart connections is nothing new. However, it is the mail-order brides of the American West that seem to conjure hope for romance in a way that other nuptials have not.

Without women, Wild would have taken West in a stranglehold. The "fairer sex" brought stability, gentility, and probability that there would be a next generation. Not that these gals were short-winded or weak. Far from it.

However, the original commentary on singular man rang truer in the West than perhaps anywhere: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18 KJV). As it turned out, the American West clearly proved that people who needed people were the most eager people in the world, (with a nod to 20th-century lyricist Bob Merrill).

In the mid- to late 1800s, many men, from miners, farmers, and loggers to the lonely not wanting to be alone simply did not have the time or wherewithal to go a’ courting. Instead, they wrote personal advertisements in newspapers seeking women willing to partner with them in often less-than-desirable situations.

The western Promised Land lured many men from eastern states with the hope of limitless farming acreage, timber for the taking, and mountains of gold. For example, the fledgling mine-supply town of Cañon City along the Arkansas River in what would someday be Colorado boasted 720 residents in 1860. Six hundred of that number were men.

Hearts West by Chris Enss

Chris Enss’s national bestseller on the subject, Hearts West, catalogs “true stories of mail-order brides on the frontier.” But, according to Enss, it wasn’t always the potential groom who did the advertising. 

“Our Purpose,” Matrimonial News (Kansas City, MO), January 8, 1887

Though many newspapers carried personal advertisements for those seeking a spouse, one specialized in matchmaking, the Matrimonial News, printed in both San Francisco and Kansas City, Missouri. Historical records show that persons advertising could do so anonymously as far as their names were concerned, and they were assigned a number to keep things straight. However, they had to offer information regarding their appearance, weight, height, and financial situation, as well as the type of person with whom they wished to correspond. Enss records such personal ads cost men twenty-five cents for forty words or fewer; women’s advertisements were published without charge unless they exceeded forty words. (Could this have been the genesis of verbiage limitation imposed in social media today?)

“Solicits Correspondence,” The Democrat (McKinney, TX), February 27, 1902

Terms such as honor, love, and willingness to work often were included in the advertisements from women and men alike. “Ordering” a bride was no simple task. 

Other publications also ran personal ads for souls seeking companionship, and several entrepreneurial-minded individuals promoted agencies and bureaus promising incomparable matches. Some of those agencies were honorable, some were not.

Some mail-order marriages worked out, some did not. But many resulted in loving unions nourished by kindness, faithfulness, and a common vision for a better future—the stuff of every mail-order bride romance novel.

~

Was his daughter Gracie so desperate for a mother that she’d write for a stranger to come? Good Lord, you didn’t just order a wife like you did a shovel from the mercantile.

Mail-Order Misfire

Author Davalynn Spencer can’t stop #lovingthecowboy. As the wife and mother of professional rodeo bullfighters, she writes romance for those who enjoy a Western tale with a rugged hero, both historical and contemporary. She holds the Will Rogers Gold Medallion for Inspirational Western Fiction, teaches writing workshops, and plays the keyboard on her church worship team. When she’s not writing, teaching, or playing, she’s wrangling Blue the Cowdog and mouse detectors Annie and Oakley. Learn more about Davalynn and her books at www.davalynnspencer.com.

Civil War Widows

By Michelle Shocklee

The numbers are staggering.

It is said that over 620,000 men died in the American Civil War. Between 1861 and 1865, approximately three million husbands, fathers, sons, uncles, and brothers left for war. Thousands of American families would never see their loved one’s face again as the men died, often far from home. At Gettysburg alone, there were over 51,000 casualties. As a result of four long years of battle, hundreds of thousands of women became widows.

It's hard to imagine that kind of loss. In the span of four short years, so many, many lives were changed.

In both of my upcoming February releases, I touch on the subject of war widows. In The Widow of Rose Hill, book 2 in the historical romance series The Women of Rose Hill, our heroine, Natalie, is left to run the plantation alone after her husband dies shortly after joining the Confederate Army. Like the war widows of 1865, Natalie must forge a new future for herself and her young son. A future that often looked frighteningly uncertain. 


In my novella, To Heal Thy Heart, included in The Mail-Order Brides Collection,  Phoebe was engaged to a young Confederate soldier who perished in battle. Left without means or family, she must put her life and future in the hands of a stranger by answering a mail-order bride ad. Sadly, many real war widows were left with little choice but to marry again, usually without love and often to total strangers. In the South, especially, life as they had known before the war was forever changed. With so many men gone, women far outnumbered men of marrying age. Ads began to appear in newspaper "matrimonial columns" from both women and men seeking matrimony. Many men went West after the war, which is where Phoebe and Luke begin their life together, and widows were forced to leave behind everything familiar. While we can dream of the romance between a war widow and her handsome hero, the reality was most assuredly terrifying.

Hetty Cary, one of Richmond, Virginia's most beautiful belles, became a widow three weeks after she married Confederate Brigadier General, John Pegram. Pergram returned to battle after their brief honeymoon on February 5, 1865. He was shot and died instantly. Exactly three weeks from the date of her wedding, Hetty found herself in the same church, with the same people, the same minister, walking down the same aisle, for the funeral. “Again has St. Paul’s, his own beloved church,” wrote one female diarist, “receive[d] the soldier and his bride—the one coffined for a hero’s grave, the other, pale and trembling, though still by his side, in widow’s garb.” Hetty was so heartbroken she had to be torn from the body, almost by force. Unlike many women left alone, she would remain a widow for over 15 years.

One of the saddest tasks a war widow faced was that of retrieving her husband's body. The idea of their loved one's final resting place being far from home and perhaps on enemy lands was unacceptable. Some husbands even went so far as to write instructions to their wives about what should be done if the worst happened. A Union soldier named William F. Vermilion wrote this to his wife on June 30, 1863: "You have often asked what I want you to do if I should not get home. Get me home if you can,” he penned, “bury me on some nice loyal spot of ground, plant flowers over the grave. I don’t want to sleep in the land of traitors. I couldn’t rest well.”

I do believe there were happily ever after stories for many of these widows, although I'm sure the healing process wasn't easy. I hope I've done them justice through my storytelling and imagination. They, like their husbands, need to be remembered as the real people they were, living, loving, and eventually dying.

Michelle Shocklee is an award-winning author of historical fiction and is a contributor in six Chicken Soup for the Soul books. The Widow of Rose Hill,  Book 2 in the historical romance series The Women of Rose Hill, releases February 12, 2018 and is available for pre-order on Amazon. Book 1, The Planter's Daughter, is available now. Her historical novella set in the New Mexico Territory is included in The Mail-Order Brides Collection, releasing February 1, 2018. Connect with her at www.MichelleShocklee.com.

MAIL-ORDER BRIDES AND GROOMS IN THE 1800S - Lena Nelson Dooley

I've always been fascinated by the concept. And actually, my Summerside Press novel Love Finds You in Golden, Colorado, is a mail-order bride book.

One of my favorite resources for this is the book Hearts West by Chris Enss.

Would you be tempted to answer an ad that says:

"Wanted: A girl who will love, honest, true not sour; a nice little cooing dove and willing to work in flour:"

"A gentleman of 26 years old, 5 feet 3 inches, doing a good business in the city, desires the acquaintance of a young intelligent and refined lady possessed of some means, of a loving disposition from 18 to 23, and one who could make home a paradise."

"An intelligent young fellow of 22 years, 6 feet height, weight 170 pounds Would like to correspond with a lady from 18 to 22. Will exchange photos: object, fun and amusement, and perhaps when acquainted, if suitable, matrimony."

"A lively widower of 40, looking much younger, 5 feet 7 inches high, weighing 145 pounds would like to correspond with some maiden or widow ladyof honor who would like a good home, kind husband and plenty."

I'm not sure I would. Actually, wondering what would make a woman answer one of these ads is the catalyst to the birth of my Golden, New Mexico, novel.

Of course not all the ads were for men trying to find wives. Some were women trying for husbands. Here's one of those ads:

"A lady, 23, tall, fair and good looking, without means, would like to hear from a gentleman of position wanting a wife. She is well educated, accomplished, amiable, and affectionate."

When gold was discovered in California, an influx of men stampeded to find their riches. Unfortunately, not many women accompanied them.

San Francisco even had a newspaper titled Matrimonial News, dedicated to promoting "honorable matrimonial engagements and true conjugal facilities" for these men who came west.

An editorial in Alta California another newspaper said, "We want an emigration of respectable females to California; of rosy-cheeked 'down east' Yankee girls--of stout 'hoosier' and 'badger' lasses, who shall be wives to our farmers and mechanics, and mothers to a generation of 'Yankee Californians.' "

Here's another advertisement:

"Lonesome miner wants a wife to share stake and prospects. Please respone to . . ." and the name and post office followed.

In the 1860s, Asa Mercer went to the "Atlantic states" to bring boatloads of women to the Pacific Northwest.

Some of the women who came were sadly disappointed, but many found a good life in the west. They became the matriarchs of strong families who built the country, leaving a legacy of adventure, strength, and often a strong faith.

On another note, I'd love for you to come over to my Fan page on Facebook and become a fan.

http://www.new.facebook.com/pages/Lena-Nelson-Dooley/42960748768?ref=ts

If you would have been single in that time period, do you think you would have considered answering one of those ads?