Etiquette at the Gilded Age Ball

by Susan G Mathis

Balls were a big part of Gilded Age social life—and filled with strict social etiquette. Besides private balls, there were public charity balls, costume balls, and other balls organized by associations and societies. And there were debutant balls for women to be presented to society.

But there were intricate, important, and very strict rules for what to wear, what to bring, who to dance with, what to talk about. There was even a manual written in 1880.

The manual stressed what to wear to a ball: "For the ladies, an exquisite, light-colored gown with a décolleté revealing the shoulders and arms, very long gloves and light pumps. They must carry in one hand a fan made from ivory or mother-of-pearl and also have their dance card. Many ladies prefer, as do I, a bodice in a shallow square-cut or heart-shape to a very décolleté gown. The men should wear a black suit or tailcoat, white tie, black trousers and polished shoes. White gloves are by far preferable; if however one wishes to wear gloves dyed a cream or pearl-grey colour, one must be careful that the warmth of the hands does not cause the dye to bleed onto the bodice of the dance partner."

Can you imagine? 

Furthermore, young ladies were to dress modestly; only married women could have flamboyant gowns, hairdos and accessories. A fan was a must—closed, open, or fluttering communicated refusal, interest, or excitement.

Dancing held a whole other set of rules. A young lady’s dances could be reserved on a dance card, and a man could ask any lady to dance. The lady was always chaperoned, usually by her mother, who would ensure the rules were followed. A man could dance only once with the same woman, and if a lady refused a dance, he mustn’t argue. And at private balls, men were to ensure that every lady had at least one dance. Needless to say, one growing up in such ball-centric social circles had a lot to learn!

About Rachel’s Reunion:

Summer 1904

Rachel Kelly serves the most elite patrons at the famed New Frontenac Hotel on Round Island. She has wondered about her old beau, Mitch, for nearly two years, ever since he toyed with her affections while on Calumet Island, then left for the high seas and taken her heart with him. Now he’s back, opening the wound she thought was healed.

Mitch O’Keefe returns to claim his bride but finds it more difficult than he thought. Returning to work at the very place he hated, he becomes captain of a New Frontenac Hotel touring yacht, just to be near Rachel. But his attempts to win her back are thwarted, especially when a wealthy patron seeks her attention. Who will Rachel choose?

About Susan:

Susan G Mathis is an international award-winning, multi-published author of stories set in the beautiful Thousand Islands in upstate NY. Susan has been published more than twenty-five times in full-length novels, novellas, and non-fiction books. She has nine in her fiction line including Peyton’s Promise. Find out more at www.SusanGMathis.com.

Civil War Dances, Balls and Gatherings

Who hasn’t watched the movie Gone with the Wind and swooned over the

dance-ball scenes? It just appears as if everyone is beautiful, graceful, talented—everything we romanticize about the Civil War era.

There were some rules when a folks attended balls that we rarely hear of. One of the biggies: A woman shouldn’t dance more than one dance with her husband. And preferably, that dance should be the first of the evening. She was expected to socialize with all men in attendance as long as they didn’t get too friendly—it was a fine line—and considered rude to cross that line in either direction. In addition, if following proper etiquette rules, the married couple should refer to one another as Mrs. and Mr. while in the company of the other attendees. First names were rarely used by anyone at the ball.
  

Another etiquette rule concerning women; an unmarried woman couldn’t attend the dance unless escorted by either their parents, an elderly gentleman, a married couple or a married woman. This was for the young lady’s protection.

Children of affluent families were often sent to finishing schools to learn the important skills of the wealthy elite, like, decorative sewing, table/dinner manners, the delicate art of catching a rich husband, and ballroom dancing.

Though many children were taught dance steps at a young age, a “Dance Master” would be available at balls to teach dance steps to those who needed instruction. This could include those unfamiliar with common dance steps or if a new dance was being introduced, the Dance Master would demonstrate the moves to the crowd.   

The dance ball position of “Floor Manager” was a prestigious one. This person—almost always a man—would keep the dances flowing in an orderly fashion. He would also keep the dancers moving to avoid back-ups on the dance floor. Without a Dance Master and Floor Manager, one could not give a proper dance.

There were actually dances for all levels of the social-economic tier. Many cities threw a Mayor’s Ball, Christmas Ball, Easter Ball—city officials would use any excuse for a dance hoping to sway the vote their way of those who attended.
    

During the Civil War, soldiers would put on dances in their camp to boost morale and chase away the loneliness and homesickness that plagued the men. Simple instruments or even battlefield instruments would provide the music. Harmonicas and jaw harps emerged from deep in the fighting men’s pockets to play a waltz, or drums, bugles, and fifes that perhaps, mere hours before, played marching orders on the battlefield, now played a peppy quadrille. To solve the problem of a lack of female dance partners, men would dance with one another or in some cases, would dress as woman to fill the role.

Dances, balls, and social gatherings were an important part of people’s lives during the Civil War. These social events were the Facebook, Instagram, CNN, and E-Harmony of the day. People caught up on local and political news, found true love, and were reacquainted with family while twirling on the dance floor.

If you could, would you go back to the days of dances and balls? Would you be able to give up access to constant news, instant “love” by swiping right, and pictures Aunt Mary’s dinner last night? Share your thoughts in the comments below and thank you for stopping by Heroes, Heroines and History today. Be blessed, my friends.

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Multi award-winning author, Michele K. Morris’s love for historical fiction began when she first read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House book series. She grew up riding horses and spending her free time in the woods of mid-Michigan. Married to her high school sweetheart, they are living happily-ever-after with their six children, three in-loves, and eight grandchildren in Florida, the sunshine state. Michele loves to hear from readers on Facebook, Twitter, and here through the group blog, Heroes, Heroines, and History at HHHistory.com.