A Different Kind of Spinster

The Old Maid by Alfred Priest

A Different Kind of Spinster

Picture a spinster, and the image of a dour-faced woman probably comes to mind. Awkward in movement and speech, she is not a beauty to whom men flock. Poor, undesirable woman! Her dreams of a wedding, a happy marriage, and her own children lie in ashes at her feet. She is like a rose that withers on the vine. These ideas mirror attitudes in the Victorian era, a time when women considered spinsterhood a fate worse than death. Understanding this sentiment takes us all the way back to the Middle Ages.

The word, ‘spinster,’ originated in in the mid-1300s as a way to describe a woman who spun thread and yarn. The term first cropped up in Piers Plowman (an allegorical poem): "And my wyf ... Spak to þe spinsters for to spinne hit softe." (Translation: And my wife...spoke to the spinners to spin it soft). The term took hold, and legal documents of the 17th Century referred to single women as spinsters.

Michiel Versteegh - De spinster, bij een olielampje - 1906 (OK) - Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen.jpg; public domain image

So, what does spinning have to do with single women? Scholars suggest a reason. In the late medieval period, married tradeswomen gained better access to money, supplies, and customers. This inequality caused unmarried women to take on lesser jobs, like combing, carding, and spinning) that could be performed at home without an expensive loom. So, there you have it. The abhorrence of married women remaining single has its roots in medieval socio-economic status.

Call me contrary, but I enjoy writing fiction that turns normal expectations on their head. What if a beautiful woman could take her pick of suitors but decided not to marry any of them? I drew a quick breath, realizing with sudden clarity that the next heroine my publisher wanted me to write about was the perfect candidate. Phoebe Walsh, the headstrong child with golden ringlets who grew up in the Montana Gold books, had an independent spirit and the self-confidence to forge her own path. But, was she too young?

After a little breathless research, I learned that Phoebe was the right age to face impending spinsterhood at her next birthday. By our modern standards, twenty-three seems awfully young to be ‘on the shelf.’ Bear in mind that Victorian women were presented as marriageable prospects in society circles at eighteen. Given the rounds of parties and other events they attended, five years to find a husband must have seemed reasonable. Although those of lesser means did not indulge in such things, high society set societal expectations.

These standards were breaking down in the Wild West, where the shortage of women created a demand that whisked women out of widow’s weeds and into bridal veils. This created an environment where a woman might choose to remain single, despite numerous suitors. The specter of spinsterhood is raised by her mother, who was raised in a wealthy household. Clashes caused by changing social mores appeal to my sense of drama. They create challenges, which attract readers.

Woman reading about 1890 National Media Museum - Kodak Gallery Collection

More research revealed that some Victorian women resisted the pressure to marry by a certain age. “Tit-bits," an 1889 magazine, queried women on why they wanted to remain single. Some of the responses did not take a favorable view of men. Others reminded me of something Phoebe would say:

“Like the wild mustang of the prairie that roams unfettered, tossing his head in utter disdain at the approach of the lasso which, is once round his neck, proclaims him captive, so I find it more delightful to tread on the verge of freedom and captivity than to allow the snarer to cast around me the matrimonial lasso” (from Sarah Kennerly).

“My reason for being a spinster is answered in a quotation of the Taming of the Shrew: “Of all the men alive I never yet beheld that special face which I could fancy more than any other” (from Lizzie Moore).

Maria Denny Fay; public domain image

After writing Phoebe’s story (entitled The Whispering Wind), I discovered Maria Denny Fay (1820-1890) of Cambridge, Massachusetts. Educated and well-traveled at twenty-six, she was more interested in music and learning German than finding a husband. Although attractive and sought by suitors, she felt no need to marry. She explained her stance to her brother, Joseph Story Fay, in a letter dated November 15, 1846: “I agree with you in thinking it desirable for every body to be married, and I should be the first to set the example if I were not an only daughter as it were, and if I was not assured that having been created entire, I need not expect a better or worse half.”

The popular 19th-century author, Catharine Maria Sedgwick, would have applauded Maria’s thoughts. A quote from Sedgwick 1827 novel, Hope Leslie, puts a fine point on the subject. “Marriage is not essential to the contentment, the dignity, or the happiness of woman.”

I believe Sedgwick’s statement is true, whether or not a woman marries. What do you think?

What’s New with Janalyn Voigt

I’m working on an editing project for my publisher but setting a slower pace for the summer months. The large vegetable garden I planted this year draws me often into the fresh air, and the preserving bound to follow will hijack my time. I’ve countered by fine-tuning my schedule. No matter how you slice your time, and I’ve tried many ways, making progress on my goals comes down to self-discipline. That’s a wonderful and terrible thing, because it puts success or failure squarely in your own hands.

“You are the person who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; You are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.” ~ Edgar A. Guest.

Learn more about Janalyn Voigt.

Discover Montana Gold

As mentioned, my writing takes a unique look at common perceptions. The Montana Gold series tells the stories of a:

1. Hills of Nevermore: A young widow and the circuit preacher who wants to save her must both come to terms with their secret pasts.
2. Cheyenne Sunrise: A disillusioned woman has no choice but to trust her wagon train's half-Cheyenne trail guide.
3. Stagecoach to Liberty: A captive Hessian woman decides whether to trust the mysterious stranger determined to free her.
4. The Forever Sky: Circumstances and her strong-minded daughter throw together a widowed mother and the man who broke her heart.
5. The Promise Tree: A preacher’s daughter is sure she shouldn't encourage the local troublemaker, never mind that promise she once made.
6. The Whispering Wind: A spirited woman facing spinsterhood struggles to forget the one man she can’t have.
   
   
   Learn more about the Montana Gold books.

Mail Order Brides and Romance by Post—with Giveaway by Donna Schlachter

“Matrimonials,” The San Francisco Call (San Francisco, CA), February 7, 1909, 44. Chronicling America: Historic American Newspapers.

When non-historians sit around with a cup of coffee and discuss American history, there are at least three favorite topics: Pony Express, orphan trains, and mail order brides.

The interesting thing about that is that they seem completely unconnected. And yet, as we consider the three, perhaps they have more in common than we first think.

The Pony Express lasted about eighteen months, while orphan trains relocated more than two hundred thousand orphaned and abandoned children in the seventy-five years the system operated. As for mail order brides—well before the United States Postal Service was formed, men sought women in America, bringing them over from England, Ireland, Scotland, and other countries in Europe. In fact, folks are still finding spouses from other countries.

Prior to the 1800s, connections between a man seeking a wife, and a woman willing to answer, came in the form of personal introductions or family or business connections. It wasn’t uncommon for parents who were close friends to betroth—or promise—their children would wed.

In the 1800s, once newspapers and printing houses were established, advertising for a spouse became much easier. Papers printed ads, and respondents indicated their interest by writing a letter in care of the newspaper. Magazines operated in a similar fashion, sometimes allocating several pages for these advertisements.

 

Mary and Elkanah Walker married in 1838.
Portrait of Mary Richardson Walker and Elkanah Walker, Cage 57, Elkanah and Mary Richardson Walker Papers 1830-1938, Manuscripts, Archives, and Special Collections, Washington State University Libraries, Pullman, WA.

Between the Civil War and the 1830s, a new phenomenon called “the love match” took over Western Europe and America. The idea grew that love was now necessary for a successful marriage. Perhaps perpetuated by the increase in romance novels—or perhaps the novels were a result of the notion—but either way, parties to marriage often considered love was more important. In the past, couples recognized other benefits to marriage: shared duties and responsibilities; combining businesses or land; continuing a family legacy or bloodline; and, of course, children.

 

These four men in Montana (near Lake McDonald in Glacier National Park) at the turn of the 20th century advertised their want for wives on the side of a cabin. From left-to-right they were: Bill Daucks, Frank Geduhn, Esli Apgar, and Dimon Apgar. Frank, and Dimon eventually married, but not mail-order brides. Courtesy of Glacier National Park Photo Archives, photo HPF 9871.

There is no evidence that love trumps loyalty, honor, family, or faith, however. Many mail order couples—and indeed, most of the marriages of the time—were not based in love. No doubt many grew to love their spouses over the course of the marriage, but overall, this love match idea was slow to take hold, particularly among older families. There is no evidence available to suggest that those who married through the mail order system were any happier, or their marriages any more—or less—successful, than couples introduced in the conventional way.

The process varied, but usually one party placed an advertisement, registered with a marriage agency, or provided information to friends and family that they desired to marry. The other party responded, which began a time of exchanging letters. This might go on for as little as a month—one letter each way—or for a year or more. Arrangements were made for the woman to travel to the man, which he paid for. Sometimes a commitment was made in writing, but occasionally it didn’t happen until they’d met and deemed each other suitable. There is an account of one couple who married four hours after they met in person, although they knew each other through family connections and had corresponded for over a year.

And then there’s the story of a woman who rejected the man after meeting him because he had red hair. In her experience, red-heads were always “cross”—angry.

Some mail-order brides never even arrived at the station. Rather, they accepted the travel fare and pocketed the money. “Mail Order Marriages: Two in Spokane Turn out Differently,” East Oregonian (Pendleton, OR), March 23, 1911, 6. Historic Oregon Newspapers.

Scams were likely, and an untold number of men lost their potential mate, their money, and their pride when she never arrived. If the phrase “once bitten, twice shy” is true, many of these poor fellows likely lived out their lives as bachelors. Or chose a woman who lived nearby.

Fast forward to today, and we see that a slightly different version of marriages still takes place. Common in World War II, soldiers still bring wives home from foreign lands. The internet has opened the world to those seeking a mate. In fact, I am an internet bride. We just celebrated our twenty-third anniversary. But that’s a story for another time.

In my upcoming release, The Freedom Stage: Book 2 of Mail-Order Romance, planned for December 31st, 2022, my heroine runs from her past—straight into the arms of a stranger.

In Book 1 of this series, The New Hope Train, strangers meet on a train and fall in love, and must decide whether to fulfill their commitment to another, or to break their word and marry each other.



Giveaway: Leave a comment, and I will randomly draw one name to receive an ebook copy of The New Hope Train. Include your email so I can contact you. Comments without an email will not be included in the drawing. Please cleverly disguise your email address so the bots don’t find you. For example: donna AT livebytheword DOT com



About The New Hope Train:

October 1895

Mary Johannson has scars on her body that can’t compare with the scars on her heart. She is alone in the world, with no family, no prospects, and no home.

John Stewart is at his wit’s end. His wife of three years died in childbirth, leaving him with a toddler and an infant, both girls. Theirs was the love of fairy tales, and while he has no illusions about finding another like her, his children need a mother.

Though separated by thousands of miles, they commit to a mail-order marriage. But on their journey to New Hope, they meet and realize the life they’d planned would be a lie. Can they find their way back from the precipice and into the love of God and each other, or are they destined to keep their word and deny their heart?

Check it out here: https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Train-Mail-Order-Romance-Book-ebook/dp/B09BBQTD7M



About The Freedom Stage:

A young woman runs from her past, straight into the arms of a stranger. Was she going from bad to worse? Or did God hold her in His hands?

A death-bed promise, a family legacy, an unexpected wife--how can he turn his back on them to fulfill a vow?

Preorder here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLZMWNTD



About Donna:

A hybrid author, Donna writes squeaky clean historical and contemporary suspense. She has been published more than 50 times in books; is a member of several writers groups; facilitates a critique group; teaches writing classes; ghostwrites; edits; and judges in writing contests. She loves history and research, traveling extensively for both, and is an avid oil painter.

www.DonnaSchlachter.com Stay connected so you learn about new releases, preorders, and presales, as well as check out featured authors, book reviews, and a little corner of peace. Plus: Receive a free ebook simply for signing up for our free newsletter!

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Resources:

https://postalmuseum.si.edu/research-articles/go-west-young-woman/

https://postalmuseum.si.edu/research-articles/go-west-young-woman/when-where-did-mail-order-brides-live

https://postalmuseum.si.edu/research-articles/go-west-young-woman/how-did-couples-find-each-other

https://postalmuseum.si.edu/research-articles/go-west-young-woman/why-did-men-and-women-marry-spouses-they-had-never-met